Saturday, May 29, 2010

Watching Micah!

I was up on the deck as Micah was playing in the back yard.  He was running from one place to another- all the time laughing and having a good time.  He has his friends, we call them, in the back lawn that live under some rocks.  We are not sure what they are, but they look kind of like beavers.  There is a family of them that live back there- under the rocks.  Micah likes to go over to the rock and look in to see if he can see any of them.  There may be a bird at that moment that lands in the yard, which catches his attention..."Daddy, look!"  I really enjoyed watching Micah playing in the back yard.  As I looked down at him from the deck, I had such a pride in my heart.  He has been through some pretty hard things and had some real hurt...for being as young as he is.  He has kept his head up the whole time and been such an awesome boy...what a heart he has.  The love I have for Micah is kind of just have to be in my head to understand it fully.  Really, the love any parent has for their child is an undescribable love you just have to experience for yourself.  As I was standing on my back deck watching Micah, there was something going on at the same time...I was oblivious to it at first, but saw it in the end when it was shown to me.  You see...I was watching Micah, but I was also being watched by my Daddy.  Micah has his days...the ones that make you think, "who is that boy?"  When I think about Micah, I don't think about those days though...I think about who he truly is on the inside- the one we see most of the time.  I realized while on that back deck that my Daddy see's me the same way I see Micah.  Sometimes, I start thinking about all the times I have done stupid things, or said stupid things that don't bring Glory to my Daddy and I get hard on myself about the life I live.  It isn't who I am though...I was made for a different purpose.  When I look at Micah, I see some amazing things that he probably doesn't see.  When my Daddy looks at me, he see's the person he created...a person who was created for a specific purpose...a person who has a very important name!  As I watched Micah in pride, my Daddy told me He was proud of me too.  "Stop being so hard on yourself and realize who you child!"

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God."  John 1:12-13

I think of the Harry Potter movies.  Harry's parents were some pretty incredible people and because he is their son, he ends up finding out that he has all this amazing power...even above the other children who are at this school he is going to.  We are born of some pretty incredible power...the power of God Himself.  God..may You help us to realize what it means to be born into your family.  Help us to realize what kind of name we have!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Micah asked me tonight if he could have some scripures in his room.  "I want scripures in my room Daddy," he says.  He just wants to look at them...I am not quite sure how Hilary and I feel about that. will sink in eventually.  You will laugh later...if you already haven't at this point.  Our nightly routine now starts with walking around the house to read all the scriptures that have been printed out and hung up.  This whole thing started when I was talking to Hilary on her way home from St. Louis last weekend.  One of our family members had an experience where he woke up in the middle of the night in the midst of a terrible evil that was surrounding him.  There was darkness and a pressure on his chest, so he started to quote scripture and pray...eventually the evil presence left him.  I started to think as Hilary was telling me this story, "do I have anything I could quote in a case like this one?"  "Have I been preparing for a battle with the evil forces that surround us?"  No...I would have to say that I haven't been preparing and I don't have anything I could quote that might fit a case like this one.  I imagine that a person would be in an incredible amount of fear at a moment like that one, so I printed off about 15 or so scriptures that deal with fear and have started to memorize them one by one.  The story of our family member is not a single story though...this happens all over the place with many different people.  It is never a bad idea to memorize scripture as it can help you through some pretty dark moments in your life.  Our family clung to scripture along the way with what was happening with Kaydence each day...each twist and turn that her little life brought us.  The idea of hanging the scriptues around the house was not my idea, so I can't take brother Terry has done this around his house.  He has done this for a little while now and it works wonders.  I have had an interesting time lately in my relationship with God.  He has led me to some interesting places by a statement he brought to my attention:  "If you want to make a radical have to do something radical!"  This statement has led me to do some things that don't make any sense to some people, but they do make sense to me.  I have plans of laying that out a little more in a later journal.  If they are living like the world...the things you do shouldn't make any sense to them!

Monday, May 3, 2010

2 for one tonight!

I thought I would write a few journals tonight since it has been a little while from the previous one.  There hasn't been any crazy things that have changed or happened since the last time I wrote a journal online, but I thought I would try to stay in touch with anyone who reads this thing.  I have been reading a book called "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis and so the few different thoughts I have for you to read come from this book.

May 3rd, 2010
"We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accepted it.  I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for.  Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination.  Yes; but should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this?  No.  And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith and whose concern for other people's sorrows had been real concern.  The case is too plain.  If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards.  The faith which 'took these things into account' was not faith but imagination.  The taking them into account was not real sympathy.  If I had really cared, as I thought I did, about the sorrows of the world, I should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came.  It has been an imaginary faith playing with innocuous counters labelled 'Illness,' 'Pain,' 'Death,' and 'Loneliness.'  I thought I trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me.  Now it matters, and I find I didn't.  Bridge players tell me that there must be some money on the game 'or else people won't take it seriously.'  Apparently it's like that.  Your bid- for God or no God, for a good God or the Cosmic Sadist, for eternal life or nonentity- will not be serious if nothing much is staked on it.  And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high, until you find that you are playing not for counters or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world.  Nothing less will shake a man- or at any rate a man like me- out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs.  He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses.  Only torture will bring out the truth.  Only under torture does he discover it himself."

There were many things about this particular reading that struck me.  One of the things that stuck out from above was the talk about the bridge players only playing with money because they want to take it seriously and having something on the line is the only way most people will be serious about anything.  I wonder how many of us walk throughout this life like the bridge players who don't lay any money down.  There is nothing to lose...nothing also to gain...just playing it safe.  If I win...then I win; and if I lose...I lose.  This game really doesn't matter...I am just having some fun here...I'm still warming up.  The thing about the game of life- really- is this...EVERYTHING is on the line!  This game does matter!

May 1st, 2010
"On any view whatever, to say, 'H. is dead,' is to say, 'All is gone.'  It is a part of the past.  And the past is the past and that is what time means, and time itself is one more name for death, and Heaven itself is a state where 'the former things have passed away.'"  "A Grief Observed" C.S. Lewis

Becoming a Christ- follower allows us to be transformed into new creatures.  At this point, we constantly transform each day- by growing in faith and Christ- likeness- into new creatures.  With each new transformation, that part of you dies and Christ is allowed to live in that part of you.  When death occures, I believe another total transformation takes place and brings you to a place of total perfection.  You are finally what you were intended to be.  But, in order to be what you were intended to be, the part of you that isn't you has to die.  I believe this is why death has to happen...there is something that is a part of you needing to change- in order to make you who you were meant to be- but it can't occur while you're still here.  If only we could see Kaydence the way she was meant to be- maybe we wouldn't miss her as much...or maybe we still would.  Thanks again for all your prayers and support out there.  The strength of God working through His church is simply amazing!