It has been a little while since I have given you an update last. For that...I apologize. As far as my physical stuff...I have felt pretty good for a few months now. I have been transferred to a Vanderbilt Neurology doctor because my local Neurologist decided he was finished with me. The nerve testing came back normal, so he just decided to wait for more signs...this was not okay with my family doctor so she pursued a transfer to Vanderbilt and I was okay with that. The new Neurologist at Vanderbilt completed a second MRI and found the legion had grown at a minimal rate (1.31cm-1.4cm) in 3 months. There was some retesting in the office for MS- since that seems to be where the doctors continue to lean- and a different result came back this time. When the bottom of my right foot was scratched, my big toe went upward instead of downward- like usual...this has some medical name to it, but I can't remember what it is called. The last time I spoke with my Neurologist, she told me that she can't rule out a brain tumor, so we are going to be doing a spinal tap on November 1st to look at the cancer cells and some other things within the fluid. This will definitely be the first time I have had something like this done, so I will need your prayers and support as this test is completed. I will not know anything for a few weeks after that, but I will give an update as soon as I hear something. As far as some other things in the family, Micah has been potty training for a little over a month now and doing very well at it I must say. The key was Reeses Peanut butter cups...that boy loves those things and will do anything to get them- even go potty "down the hole" as he calls it. Hilary has taken over at our church as the Nursery Director and is loving her new duties. She has such a passion for little kids and what they can contribute to the Kingdom of God. Please pray with us that she can make a difference in the lives of those little kids. Two weeks ago, I finally went on my "Wilderness Journey" with the guys and it was incredible. This was a journey I had been praying about for a long time...it was worth the effort. There were 6 of us all together and we each were to present a message to the rest of the guys at some point during the weekend. God made all the messages come together as a part of a larger message and only He can do that! The men were able to draw closer to each other during this time...and more importantly...closer to God. We camped on an island in the middle of Percy Priest lake, which was an awesome thing I have never done before. I have to give God the Praise and Glory for this weekend being such a success. It is incredible to be a part of something bigger than yourself and to be used in any kind of way for the Kingdom of Heaven is nothing like what this world can offer you. As a part of my normal Spiritual backdrop to these journals, I will let you in on a personal journal I completed last night within my bible reading. It is one of those times when you write what you think and don't stop until you are done.
"He must remain in heaven until the time comes for God to restore everything, as he promised long ago through his holy prophets." Acts 3:21
Close your eyes...tune in to your senses..tune in to your spirit. Take some time to breath a quiet prayer as we continue further.
Can you see it? There is a pathway in front of you made of dirt. Off in the distance you can see many tall mountains...and they are breath taking. The weather around you is comfortable- there is no need for you to wear anything to protect yourself from the elements. As you walk further, you notice that there is a peace surrounding you...such a calm- yet powerful peace you have never experienced before. There is light all around, but no sun in the sky. This light is unlike anything you have ever seen before- it helps you to see things in a new way. Stop...do you hear that? Up ahead is a bear...about 10 feet away from you. This is very strange. Why aren't you scared of this bear? All the times before when you came close, your heart would race- but it is as if you just know it is all okay. What a strange and exciting place to be. There is a Man walking with you...He is the One putting off the light that is shining on everything. You feel as if you need nothing- the Man provides everything you need. You have always needed so much in previous days, but all your needs are met...all at one time. You want to stay here forever!
Have you ever taken the time to think about the reality of the promise of God? Have you? I mean...really...the reality of the promises of God. We often think about God restoring everything as if it is some kind of fairytale. Do you think of the promise of eternity for believers as if it were a fairytale? You should take some time to set and use this God given ability called your imagination. The more you dream about the life He has planned for you, the more excited you will be about holding on to your faith during the hard times you have to face in life. The more you dream...the more you long for your dream to become your new reality. "This is it," you will think as you find yourself in eternity. The battle is over, the time has come, and you are never going back...you are Home forever! Set and take some time to think about that reality setting in. There is, of course, another reality. This reality is as equally true as the first one...but not as pleasant. Close your eyes and go with me.
Your knees are trembling- even to the point you can't stand anymore. You have just fallen to your knees in weakness. He is there in front of you- looking into your soul through your eyes. You know he sees everything about you so you tremble further because you know that you didn't live for Him. You may have gone to church and hung with the crowd, but you know that you rejected Him. Your life was more important than His. You knew that you had lived for yourself, instead of living for Him. Many upon many of chances were blown and they are all- at this moment- in the front of your mind. He is getting ready to speak...what will he say? "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!" Did He say that to me? Am I a part of this group? Yes, I am a part of this group. I had a choice to make and I chose me! Why did I think what I was doing was not a big deal? Why did I trample the Son of God under my feet for my own pleasure? It just got dark...real dark! I can feel the darkness around me and it is a very lonely feeling. I am not alone though...there are others here with me, and they hate me. I can't see a thing, but I can feel them looking at me. It is getting really hard to breath and it smells horrible...the stench of rotting is all around me. I am never going to leave this place. Why didn't I choose differently? What was so good that I chose it over Jesus? There is no hope at all!
