Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Living in the Limbo!

Life can be pretty hard at times.  We go through moments that are meant to make us stronger by building our faith in God...and our faith is built- but it isn't pretty while it is happening.  There was a lesson God was teaching us through the entire life of Kaydence...and we're still learning it today.  I was reading through some of the older journals on the caringbridge site this evening and saw that very lesson played out in many of the journals.  The lesson was all about "Living in the Limbo."  Limbo is a state when you don't know what is going to happen...you are between a few things and kind of bent over backwards in an uncomfortable manner.  While bent over backwards actually playing limbo, you have the thoughts running through your mind, "Will I hit the pole?" "Will I make it through to the other side?" "Will I fall down?"  Each of these might represent a direction your life could go at any moment.  When we were in the life of Kaydence, the quesitons were more, "Will she live with this condition for a long time?" "Will she have a miraculous recovery and improve greatly with therapy?" "Will she die soon?"  Her life could have gone in any direction at any moment of time...it was all in the hands of God.  It is hard to live in the Limbo moments of your life, but it is in those moments that you tend to trust in God the most.  Our life has finally gone back to a rather normal state...or has it.  A few weeks back I went to the doctors office because I was experiencing some issues that I thought were minor, but ended up being a little more serious than I thought.  My arms and legs have been going numb over the past 11 or so months at various moments.  Sometimes, my arm would go dead- I would have to take my other arm and move the dead arm to get it to have some feeling back in it again.  I don't like going to see the doctor...not because I don't like doctors, but because I would rather just try to get over the whatever on my own and rough it.  I went to see the doctor because the issue got much worse over the past month and a half.  My family doctor wanted me to see a Neurologist because of this particular issue.  She said that since Kaydence had some neurological issues they were never were able to diagnose, or find out where they came from, I needed to be checked out.  As I answered the doctors questions, the symptoms were consistant with the onset of MS, or maybe Parkinson's.  What an interesting appointment I had with my doctor.  I thought it was just some minor issue I was having and here she is naming medical conditions that I would have never associated my life with.  Well...I went to the Neurologist yesterday.  He performed many different MS tests in his office (he must have had the same suspicion as my family doctor).  I failed each and every one of the tests he gave me so his thoughts are along the line of an autoimmune disease such as Lupus, which he named.  I had my blood drawn yesterday and they scheduled an MRI for Wed to see if there were any changes in my brain, or anything on my brain causing the issues.  Over the past few weeks, I have gone to work and come home only to plop on the couch and stay there until bed.  Micah wants his Daddy back and Hilary wants her husband back.  God has been speaking with me lately about this lesson of "Living in the Limbo" and He brought me some scriptures that have been put together, although I have never heard them back to back.  One of them is in the old testiment in Deuteronomy and the other is in Mathew.  Our family has done some different things lately with scripture memorization, so I am going to type them for you from memory...hopefully it goes well.  The first scripture comes out of Mathew: "Jesus said, let the little children come to me; and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."  We always hear about having a childlike faith.  What does that look like?  Back in my childhood, our family struggled through some pretty hard financial times.  I didn't worry about it because I was a child.  Daddy and Mommy have it taken care of.  All that I had to worry about was which toy I wanted to take outside to play with and when dinner was going to be served.  We think too much in our adult life sometimes.  Why should we look at things with this childlike faith and how do we get there?  This is where the second scripture comes in: "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you.  He will never leave you nor forsake you; do not be afraid, do no be discouraged."  The punctuation may not be correct, but you get the point of the scripture and besides...the words are memorized.  He is already there ahead of you!  If you were going to move to a different town, you would want someone to guide you who had already been through the town and already knows what is there.  You would want someone who knows the way around and can lead you as well.  There is only One person qualified to lead you through whatever it is in your life you are going through...only One who is already ahead of you who has already had time to plan.  Why trust anyone else?  I know that my lesson of "Living in the Limbo" is not anywhere near being over and probably will never go away as many uncertain times are yet to come, but I know a person who has already been in tomorrow and had time to make some wonderful plans...I have chosen to follow Him there!  Thank you guys for all your continued support for our family!  We love you all!

1 comment:

  1. praying for your results from the doctor and from the mri. and praying for the doctors taking care of you.

    emily huamani