Journals can be very interesting- when they are done on a regular basis. I know that I have not written on this site for a few weeks now, but I have still written in my personal journal. When you set down and write- without a plan of what you will write about- you will often be taken on a journey through your own mind. There are many things you can learn through journaling and it also gives God an opportunity to speak with you. There was a particular journal that reached out to me and I thought I would put it below- so you can see what is going on in my life as of recently:
"Use your words Micah"...a common saying in our house. Micah will get to a point where he will whine because he is wanting something and can't get to it. Most of the time, we can't understand what he wants as he is doing this, so we will tell him, "use your words." God gave us the capability to explain things using words so that others can understand an event, a story or a maybe even a feeling. There are other things in this life that can not be explained with the words that have been given to us. We try and try and try, but often times we end up just having to say, "you had to have been there" or "it's really hard to explain." There are times when you just have to be inside a person to be able to grasp what is going on. People are interesting...we all come together with different backgrounds...different childhoods...different experiences; and all of these lead us to different perspectives about everything. Two people can go through an identical experience and be effected by it in two different ways because of everything previous that led them to that specific point in history. I believe this is one of the reasons why God tells us not to judge people- it is imposssible for any of us to know what is going on inside anyone unless they tell us...and at that...we may still not be able to grasp it. The words, "I understand what your going through" can only go as deep as the event itself. How each person is effected by the event can only be understood by Jesus. He is the only One who has walked along the way with you on all the previous experiences that has led you to that point. One of the reasons Jesus is the most important person in my life is because no one else in this world knows me better than He does. No one else understands me like He does...and in the way He does. I have certainly been effected by the life and death of Kaydence in a way that only Jesus can understand. I have had a wrestless spirit lately and the thing about it is this: I go to work Monday through Friday and my job is to sell insurance products to people in need. I go out and sell insurance to people to make a living and there are people living and dying without ever knowing what "True Life" is all about. I believe that only God can give you this kind of conviction. The mere thought of millions of people dying without knowing Jesus as their personal Saviour scares me into action. In my mind, there is nothing more important in this life than knowing Jesus Christ. And to walk through this life without Him should be terrifying. I can honestly say that I am terrified for those who don't know Jesus on a personal level. I have had a strong sense that I need to say "Yes" to Jesus. The question, I belive, is: Will you share your story with the world?"
After I realized what the last part of this journal stated, I understood a little better what was going on and things have become much more clear over the past few weeks. I have taken some time to Rest in Him. The thing I am needing to do is share our story about Kaydence with the world. The way in which we need to do it is still unclear, but I have been let in on a piece of the bigger plan. Immediately after this journal was completed I felt peaceful inside and have remained the same ever since. It is as if God put the unsettling there so that I would spend some extra time with Him...and it worked. I have been appreciative of all the prayers over the past few weeks and I ask that you continue them. The biggest thing that I feel like I need right now is rest. I have been exhausted over the past several days and believe it to be a sleep apnea/stress issue. Hilary woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that I was not breathing...I will be seeing a sleep specialist in April, but I still have March to make it through. Thanks again for your prayers and support on our family. One last note to Marcia...Thank You for your comment to me. I needed to spend some time with God so that He could speak to me...now it is time to "Rest in Him" until I get further instructions.