Wednesday, February 3, 2010

We need you now more than ever Jesus!

Sometimes, the deep part of your heart cries out and just wants to say, "What about me?"  We got the news today that Hilary's Grandmother passed away and it hit like a ton of bricks.  A call in the middle of the day...with really no warning at all that she was going to go at this moment.  I know that she was a believer, but that doesn't make it easy for those who are left behind.  As we have made it through the first month of Kaydence being gone, there have been many people who will find out about her death and then try to console us by talking about where Kaydence is now and how happy she is.  They talk about her walking and talking in person with Jesus...they talk about her not having to wear that silly trach anymore...they talk about her being able to sing and dance and walk and talk.  There is a part of me deep down...the selfish part...that wants to cry out sometimes, "What about me?"  I know she is happy and I know she doesn't have to suffer anymore and I know she gets to walk and talk with Jesus in person...but she isn't here with us...and we are left in this world gone wrong.  There has never been a point in my entire life that I have longed for Heaven more than in this time we are in right now.  I long to be in the safe arms of the One who died for me.  I long to be in a place that is "Right" in every sense of the word...a place of no loss...a place of no sadness.  There are times when I catch a glimpse of what it must be like to be in Heaven...these are the times, I believe, when I am doing the perfect will of God.  This of coarse is not all of the actually is probably not even most of the time, but there is a glimpse.  In a perfect moment of Obedience, when you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you have done something God wanted you to do, you see this little glimpse.  You aren't sad, and you don't feel like you have sacrificed anything.  You just feel...right!  When the Apostle Paul says, To live is Christ and to die is gain, I have to say that I understand just what he is saying a little more today than yesterday.  To live, means to do the will of God and if you end up dying within that will gain in your death.  Paul knew that he could lose his life at any moment for sharing the gospel, but it didn't matter to him at all.  If he shares and he lives, he has done the will of God and lived to share it again to more people.  If he dies because of his relationship with Jesus...he will find himself in the safe arms of Jesus....never to leave.  We are leaving for Iowa on Friday morning and will return to Tennessee on Tuesday, so we would appreciate your prayers on us as we go.  Thanks for all your prayers along the way and beyond.  We love you guys!  If you would...pray for us specifically on Monday- what would have been Kaydence's first birthday- I know it probably won't be an easy day for us.

1 comment:

  1. Praying that God's peace will cover you like a warm blanket during the winter! I am so sorry that your family is hurting. I found a blog through a friend that I think would be beneficial for you to read. You may have to click through and find her posts about the loss of her son and her thoughts, but she's got some amazing things to say about loss and the "afterward" struggles.

    May you be blessed today!